A treatise on wipe economy...

Any new parent finds certain skills can be deficient, no matter how much you love and adore. How does one automatically know to clean under the neck (so thats where that smell originates), put gloves on them so they cannot scratch their faces, and hold a child just so to lull them to sleep. All of these things are learned. It is wonderous to observe the evolution of self. Personally, I remember keeping tally (unofficially) of the personal record for wipes used during a fanny cleaning. I thought that 11 wipes meant my child was capable of releasing a flood of Biblical proportions, and I was able to staunch it. After three babes and a plethora of diaper changes, I had an epiphany; it isn't how many wipes you use, its how few. I can now cleanse a fanny that would give a crime scene cleaner pause with only three wipes, tops. I call it wipe economy. I have silly names for other skills I have developed as a Daddy. I won't share them, or maybe I will in the future, like the cleaning firearms with a stopwatch, hanging upside down from a pullup bar while Bobby 17 year old waits to take one of my girls out skill. For now, I am proud that I can keep my kids smelling fresh, prevent them from hurting themselves (mostly), and bounce them in my arms until they slumber. Being a Daddy is the greatest ever... siiiiiggghhh...

Bay is 2!!!!

Our littlest pickle is 2!!! Her birthday was yesterday, Nov. 18. She is the tiniest, cutest, smartest, orneriest, gigglenist, most ticklish two year-old currently in existence. I could squeeze the bejeezus out of her, invent a time machine, and then go back and do it again. She is a little goober who can already talk, light years ahead of when her sisters started. She also has a fierce individuality and speaks her mind. It is funny how they can be so different from each other in good ways. Another amazing thing is that my best friend Matty and his awesome wife Carrie had their first boy child, Luke Asher Ring (tentatively) yesterday!! He and our girl Bay have the same birthday!! This is special because Matt is my oldest friend and he is important to me. The 18th was a proud day for our family and friends. One day, I will find the USB cord for our camera and post photos of the b-day (complete with yummy Isaac's cupcakes with icing pumpkins on them, hometown inside information, WHAT WHAT!!) and the wonderful new turtle and figure drawings the older girls are doing. Oh well, one day I will be more informative and generally valuable. Until then, I will be defined by my allegiances: GO GATORS!!!!!!!!!!!

New House... maybe

So Jenny and I have put an offer on a new house. By new, I mean built in 1955 but we haven't lived in it. It is a cute brick two-story with plenty of space and arguably the worst faux white brick vinyl tile ever produced. It needs some updating, unless you like the whole seventies light fixtures, wallpaper layers in triplicate, and deck made from ten thousand year old petrified wood. But thats cool, we're up to it. You have to spend money to make money. A rolling stone gathers no moss. It was a brave man who first endeavored to eat an oyster... I'm not sure how that last one applies but I'm willing to put myself out there. Anyway, tomorrow we have an inspector coming to look at it and we are just hoping that there are no major problems. You know, lead plumbing, asbestos clouds, squatters, creepy dungeons, indian burial grounds, the typical stuff. These are all things to be avoided. But we look forward to putting our stamp on the place. A little paint, new flooring, and a new kitchen should do the trick. I will try to update with pictures and all.

I wont say anything....

Besides, one picture is worth a thousand words... If I had Photoshop skills, I would have cut and pasted some cutoff jean shorts onto Brandon Spikes while he is motivating Matt Stafford to reconsider his personal clothing style (it must be hard to get self-feces out of silver britches; come on, you can sort of imagine a little potty right underneath him in this picture)... I promise to be classy the other 364 days of the year and of course will be a shameless Dawg fan for the rest of the season, but now I must bask ever so little in the glory of my spot-on pregame analysis... Jeah!

Language Lessons...

Jenny and I work at the college in town. Recently, a performing arts center was completed and dedicated. To honor the grand opening, the school flew in famous Russian folk musicians. They play the balalaika, sort of a cross between a guitar, banjo, and mandolin... a manguijo; a guibandolin; a tarjolinguibanmando... I digress. Anyway, we took them around our burgeoning Metropolis to aquaint them with life in the rural Southeast. The day started off with approximately a dozen understood English and Russian words between the lot of us. We went to an electronics store, Wal-Mart, The Dollar Store, Fred's, and Goodwill (hey, famous Russian folk musicians need 3 dollar shoes too!!). By the end of the day we had somewhat broken the barrier by talking about our kids and showing pictures, etc. They were exceptionally interesting and fun to be around. Maxime is the mature, leading man type; Vladimir the younger showman; and Volodya, the older eccentric. They also had a documentarian and his cameraman, both quiet but pleasant. It struck me how they seemed so unimpressed with our excessive lives and shrines to commercialism. They were interested in the little things. Things like squirrels, alligators, $3 shoes, Chinese Buffets, and gettin crunk!! At one of their performances some students got really into it and were dancing all over the new prim and proper arts center!! The Russian fellows loved it apparently. It is the only performance I missed! Anyway, I loved it and look forward to seeing our russian friends tonight at a dinner in their honor.

UGA/UF...

Okay, let me gather... This will be THE game of the season. Forget OSU/USC, let go of Texas/Oklahoma, disremember OSU/PSU. These games pail in comparison. Never before has this game meant so much to each team. This roiling boiling rivalry seethes underneath thinly lidded stoicism like so much boiled steak. The winner of this game will win the East, the SEC title game, and mark my words, the BCS title... But only if it's UF!!!! My partisanship canot be hidden any longer. The Gators don't need silly 100 man enzone celebrations to motivate them for this one. And, logically, the Gators should win. UGA is hobbled on both lines, foretelling Gator trench dominance. Florida has speed and ferocity in all 3 phases of the game. If Moreno is contained, then UF should be able to stop UGA on the wings of better secondary play. I for one would not like to hit a running lane and then be physically crushed by Brandon Spikes, Florida's 6-3 243 lb. monster linebacker.If UGA wins, they are simply better, I will be the first to say it. But to the nauseous sighs of everyone that is not a UF fan, Timmy Tebow plays UP in big games. So remember, Florida will be the only one of the two teams that can beat a Texas or Oklahoma, in addition to Alabama in my opinion. But, as you watch this game, think of me, my frazzled body and addled mind after my first week at work, defending my thesis, and anticipating this game. Holy goodness someone throw a bucket of water on me ala Flashdance. My office has a good lean back chair and high ceilings for bucket suspension ya'll...

Event updates

So, two things; I got a job at the College in town as coordinator of testing and career services. I am excited to contribute to the community and higher ed. Also, the parade was canceled for Ms. Lucretia's Dance troupe. So no miniature tire marks on my torso. We were disappointed but would rather forgo the parade for not having to dry our soaked to the bone trembling children afterward. Call us particular. This picture looks nothing like our girls but a naked mole rat ,though neither naked nor trembling, is bound to inspire mirth.