Left of Center

I saw this picture and thought it was pretty funny... There is such a thing as gamesmanship. I am not sure if this qualifies as good or bad but it certainly is creative. Maybe he also has banana peels in his back pocket as well as a whoopy cushion used to draw the other team offsides. This person's actions inspire a certain mantra; if you can't beat your opponent, at least make people laugh. I am getting not so pleasant pictures in my nugget (that ones for you Matty) of Phil Fulmer, a room full of offensive linemen, a chalkboard with knock-knock jokes, cream pies, floppy shoes, and obnoxiously fuzzy orange clown wigs.

Words that make me smile...

My favorite word is lull. Why you might ask? The word lull has four letters, three of which are l. That is pretty neat. I also like the words macrocephalic and "daddy", especially when uttered by my children. If they called me macrocephalic daddy I would grin constantly. I say the word "well" in almost every sentence. As in, "Well, I guess cucumbers taste better pickled". Or, "Well, iron pyrite is fool's gold". I realized this when my oldest daughter started to use it in her speech.

Okay...... Let me collect my thoughts so this post does not end up smelling like the mythical Vomitorium of Personal Political Rhetoric (read: Media at Large). I have MAJOR issues with the latest hate spewed forth by feminist "progressives" regarding Sarah Palin. I do not pretend that I agree with all points of her policy. I do believe, however, that she would make a good executive for our government. The fact that feminist "progressives" lambaste Palin for her "supermom image" is sickening. It simply illustrates the cup half empty mentality of formerly relevant organizations. Their relevance diminished when they began to hate women as much as men. The most unfortunate part is the fact that they only hurt the causes they claim to promote and cannot understand that people are soured by hurtful rhetoric. I will preface the following comments by saying this: I am an anthropologist. I have immense respect for people, their cultures, and their opinions. I liken the current feminist backlash to the attitude held by some African-Americans, the general population as well as academics, regarding Condelleza Rice and Colin Powell. After fighting and accomplishing and ascending to the top of their respective fields, they are rejected and marginalized by a culture in need of proper role models. I would not offer this opinion if I had not heard these very words with my own ears. A recent Howard graduate told me that "black people think Condeleeza Rice is George Bush's girlfriend". If Barack Obama is elected, he will ultimately not do enough for African-Americans and will likely suffer the same fate. So please people, lets all vote with our heads and examine all positions and not fall victim to the loudest voices in an endless crowd!! I respect all positions and opinions and hope that anyone that reads this post does not doubt me. These comments are simply my opinion regarding our political climate.

Middle School: Asylum for the Educationally Insane

I am substituting at Middle School today. For those that care, I have been subbing in the pursuit of classroom experience. I have made many observations regarding children and our educational system, however none have been as true or poignant as this: Middle School kids are singly responsible for deforestation. Forget the propagandized myths of logging and pollution, when you have watched a child tear out twenty pages of paper simply to ball them up and practice their fadeaway jumper into the trash bin you realize certain things.

1. Kids are often bored in school

2. Middle Schoolers major in annoying other people, adult or otherwise;

eventually they begin to annoy themselves and turn inward (ages 12-14)

3. It is possible that they are simply practicing for the big basketball

games in their future (read with a sarcastic tone)

4. It takes a special person to choose to teach middle school. Kids are even more

insane than I remember and I don't think I am special enough...

5. The Middle School I am at today has caused the massacre of some thirty thousand

trees, and it is only lunchtime!

Recyclers unite!!! Forge ahead to your local middle school! Practice your shotblocking!!

Or just get used to the sound of crinkling paper and the massive piles of paper balls

clotting our roadways in the near future. Does Micheline make an all-terrain paper tire??

The Hills, the Lindgrens; we like them alot

I will be the last person to blog about our trip to Atlanta. Wendy has posted as have Cheyney and Ryan. I would claim to have been gathering my thoughts but the truth is mundane; laziness. This might also be the lamest post, as I cannot find the USB cord for my camera, upon which are the pictures chronicling our journey. Anyway, we began the weekend by driving to stay with the Hill Family. First of all, Wendy and Justin invited us to stay after only meeting us once. I could have been that guy who bought Ted Bundy's VW at auction for all they knew! Luckily, I am not obsessed with serial killers or their kill machine cars, yet Tim Tebow's moped would send me checking my ATM balance. Seriously, Wendy and Justin are the kind of people you just want to be around. The level of commitment they have for their family and friends is a paradigm for the rest of us. So, we got up early and headed into ATL, parallel with Marta and Hartsfield, and past Turner Field and the SO SO Def sign. In downtown, we parked and arrived at the aquarium. We were wand searched for metal objects and fishing poles. I must say, after the frisking, the wonderment commenced. I hope that my children were as taken with the manta ray, whale sharks, hammerheads, grouper, etc., etc. as I was. The touch pool was a massive hit and Purel stock soared. Later, we viewed beluga whales, penguins, sea lions, and 3 dollar coca-colas at the snack shop. After returning and feasting upon bbq, we went to a park and the kids leapt and frollicked in a fountain. I liken the fountain to a geyser of elation and emotional vomit, spewed forth as the insanely cute scene developed. Kids are awesome and teach us many things that are valuable about life. Thanks again to the Hills and the Lindgrens. You guys rock and make us feel as though our character judgment is flawless.

Rattle snake mania!!

Jenny and I did an arguably sick thing on Saturday on our way back from Atlanta... We picked up roadkill. I will explain fully but I also feel the urge to vomit my thoughts out in Haiku...

Roadkill salvage crew
The woodland scourge awaited
But you guys blew it

The road invited
You can't thermoregulate
Sad, warmth equaled death

I checked for life with
My umbrella of safety
Strike me with beauty

Canebreak or timber
You were once two subspecies
Now, you're in a jar

So, yes, we saw a large snake on the side of the road. After a quick u turn, I poked it with an umbrella for 5 minutes. After being satisfied that it was indeed deceased, I picked it up and threw it into our cooler. At home, we froze the wonderful specimen and then loaded it into a jar filled with preservative. Jenny wants to put it on her desk at work. May she be known as the Snake Lady.
Two questions, is it more strange to pick up a four foot long Canebreak rattlesnake off of Highway 27, freeze it, and then stick it into a jar from K-Mart, which is destined for your wife's desk? Or to feel it necessary to relate stories in the form of ancient Japanese Haiku?? Doubtless I will be pigeonholed as a roadkill scraping, 6th Grade level haiku writing foolish person, but hey, bite me.