Blog about Nothing...

What is the answer? To what you ask? Anything, I say. As I look out of my windows, I see a world rife with social, cultural, and technological proliferation. Is the world becoming better? Worse? Perhaps thats why I usually post about nothing in particular. I have random thoughts then vomit them onto the keyboard. Spell and Grammar Check hold my proverbial hair and then, Voila! Nothing. Just imagine when I start to teach Anthropology to college students next spring. In the words of our pastor, "The faster you are going, the more you need to slow down". Maybe next time I will try to be funny and, as usual, fail. But today, a little somber...

3.6 hours in B-ville

So in the vain of Ryan's post entitled "36 Hours in Raleigh", I thought I would write my own and inspire you all to visit our little burg.

Hour #1: De-boned chicken sandwich at Carter's (kill me with the mayo, please; seriously, I want to have a palpitation). Next, waltz over to the Small and shop at Belk's.

Hour #2: Take a walk at the river and see how many goats you can count head-butting each other and bleating self-importantly. Next, walk our wonderful nature trail.

Hour #3: Stroll our cute downtown and walk through the courthouse; I assure you, it is quite lovely inside. Next, pop into Reeve's and buy something you totally think you need, but really don't.

Hour #.6: Come to our house and swim in our pool. The liner in the shallow end has more wrinkles than Joan Rivers' real head (hidden under her prosthetic head) but it holds water and our girls love it!

We love our little town because we have found great friends to spend time with and be inspired by. It doesn't matter where you live, as long as you're with the right people and happy.

Living to excess

Ryan Lindgren has inspired me to question the confines of excess. How do you live just hard enough without dying? How many glasses of water WOULD be fatal? How many pieces of bubblegum can be chewed at once before you die of insulin shock (the world record for number of pieces at once was 36 the last I heard)? I once chewed 27 pieces of Super Bubble gum at once. The wad was about 3.5 inches in circumference and the puddle of pink sugar vomit was about 2 feet in diameter. Seriously, I was bored at work and attempted it but fell woefully short of glory. How many times can you bend over and then snap back to a standing position before you have an embolism? How much can you taunt a woodchuck before it will nibble your bum? I don't know. So stop asking me stoopid questions Matt Ring.

H2O intolerant

Does anoyone ever do things absentmindedly? What was I talking about? Oh yeah, yesterday I drank like 96 ounces of water in 2 hours without thinking about it at all. I have a lexan bottle that holds about 32 oz. and I filled it and then emptied it three times between 7AM and 9:30. That is a good thing, except for the periodic restroom visits( Matt, you mioght recognize this sign). And by periodic I mean every 20 minutes or so. People around here probably think I'm strange enough, but when I'm walking into the BR every forthour my "intriguing allure" is intensified. I often wonder if people also think it is strange that I carry my empty plastic bottle with me into the bathroom, intending to fill it in the water fountain upon exit. I promise I am not undergoing drug testing. Anyway, I guess the point is that I was extremely hydrated all morning but a little irritable and quick with some people. I was actually doing them a service by not letting them see a grown man have an accident in his office. I think I just blogged absentmindedly, reinforcing the point in the first place...

Ears to me!

I have an ear infection. It is annoying. To simulate, hire two people with nothing better to do to each place a single finger on an opposite ear. Then, tell them that the person that touches your brain gets a dollar. Ouch. Anyway, my ear is so swollen, I thought I would write about it...

Gigantic earlobe

A thousand clip-on earrings

Could not cover you

You stick out much more

Than your opposite headmate

Separated by hair

I wish you could move

I would tip you at people

Because Sloth loves Chunk

Though you may think I am kidding, I assure you the following picture is as a matter of fact me. Disregard the child to my right; he is a liar! But even I have a home and love.

Productivity?!?!

I have found recently that there are insidious and ever-present adversaries to productivity lurking around every turn. Sitting at work, I try to alternate 3 to 4 hours of hard concentrated productivity with about 20 or 30 minutes of "Me" time. Of course, "Me" is not very interesting or "mature"; ok so maybe I don't "dedicate my entire work day to work", and maybe I don't "shower every day" or "always stay awake when I'm at the wheel of my car", and maybe I don't "refrain from making faces behind my bosse's back, even when they turn around"... Anyway, the two largest enemies of my to do list are fantasy baseball and Hulu.com. I was roped into fantasy baseball by a friend and am enjoying it. I am second in my league with a commanding lead in about four categories; that's productive, right? There is probably irony associated with the fact that I have watched a couple of 20 minute long episodes of "The Office" while at work. Michael Scott would approve. But any site that will offer you free access to Justin Timberlake (siiiiiiggh) on SNL is alright by me. Maybe I am not a good employee. Maybe I am trying to maintain my sanity with a little bit of hilarity and unnecessary baseball stattage, you be the judge. But remember, I almost never get to take a proper lunch break. The number of people I have had to talk to while actually eating a sandwich would stagger Ms. Manners. If you call me at work and my voice sound garbled, it's probably a balogna and cheese Lunchable. So judge me accordingly.